MERRY CHRISTMAS

FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS! MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

My Ideal Husband

After a full season of catching up on Desperate Housewives, I have come to realize more that Tom Scavo is the kind of guy I would love to marry and have kids with.



He is your All-American type boy. I really don't care what his race is or his background just as long as he has the same characteristics and qualities of Tom Scavo. Hard working: know what he wants in life in his professional and personal life and going after it. Family man: loves kids, does his share to take care of them and just like Lynette would do anything in the world to make sure they are safe. Persistent: No matter what troubles he and Lynette go through in life, marriage, career etc. they always work it out. Though, harsh words may be exchange they never call it quits and always push through.



All-in-all as long as the guy loves me and is willing to put up with me, nothing else matters. Because in the modern era of quickie marriages and thus, quickie divorces I want a man that will not only stick through the good times but also the bad times and the worst times: financial problems, career choices, moving, sickness etc. In the end I want him to believe what I believe: Love will get us through it all.

Desperate Housewives: My Life As a Househusband

What does a good college student do when they are on Winter Break in a small Eastern Oregon town? Why catch up on Desperate Housewives of course! I had missed most of Season 5 and the start of Season 6, so this is me playing catch-up.

After watching half of the season I have concluded my ideal:

I would like to have the demeanor and elegance of Bree Van de Kamp, with children like that of Susan Mayer, married to Lynette Scavo's husband (Tom Scavo) add Gabrielle Solis' looks and body and VOILA! The Calvin that would be my ideal.

I have always wanted the suburban life and this show makes me want it even more. Fuck Lee and Bob, my husband and I will be the only gay couple in my Wisteria Lane! PTA, Soccer moms and Country Club members watch out!

Wordle.com

I just stumbled on this thanks to cnn.com as they broke down the most words used by President Obama during his acceptance speech of his Noble Peace Prize. It's a word cloud maker site and you can paste any website or your know original work (i.e. essays, poems, blog) and see which words are used the most.

TRY IT OUT!!

Obama's Nobel Peace Prize Speech 12/10/2009

Just part 1 of 4 of President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize Speech.


I know there has been many skeptics and nay-sayers about Obama and what he hasn't accomplished in his first year but let us not forget it is JUST his first year.

Yet in his first year he has breathed new life into a nation that has endured 8 years of internal struggle with itself on the issues of universal freedom versus security. A nation who's image has been mired and tarnished by hypocrisy policies it placed domestically and internally and using force instead of diplomacy. A nation who's minority finally could rest assure and know that their countrymen valued credentials, candid answers and potential instead of skin tone. A nation that is young in age but mature in experience.

Here are some of the most memorable quotes of President Obama's speech:


"I am at the beginning, and not the end, of my labors on the world stage. Compared to some of the giants of history who've received this prize -- Schweitzer and King; Marshall and Mandela -- my accomplishments are slight."


"The instruments of war do have a role to play in preserving the peace. And yet this truth must coexist with another -- that no matter how justified, war promises human tragedy."

"For peace is not merely the absence of visible conflict. Only a just peace based on the inherent rights and dignity of every individual can truly be lasting."

"America's commitment to global security will never waver."

"The promotion of human rights cannot be about exhortation alone. At times, it must be coupled with painstaking diplomacy. No repressive regime can move down a new path unless it has the choice of an open door."

Life is ever so E.P.I.C...Entertaining, Perplexing, Inconsistent, and Crazy

I just saw this on one of my friend's facebook as her status and thought it was a very good statement.

I kind of believe it is very true. Life is E.P.I.C

Life is Entertaining: Movies with friends, trips with friends, vacations, car trips, books, computers.

Life is Perplexing: Relationships, School, Work, Family, the Future, the Past

Life is Inconsistent: Time, Locations, Thoughts, Emotions and feelings.

Life is Crazy: EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

But in the end that's what makes life worth living

Top 10 of 2009

Inspired by Time Magazine's "The Top 10 Everything of 2009" I decided to do my own Top 10 of my life for 2009. It's been a long year and there has been many exciting changes, adventures, hurdles, experiences in the last year but I think I have narrowed it down to for my Top 10 of 2009.

Top 10 Moments of 2009:
1. Having my car in Seattle

This is the one materialistic thing that made the Top 10 list. There are reasons though, don't get me wrong. Having my car here was suppose to be a short term situation that has turned into a two month endeavor which will turn to a full fledged year endeavor, per my parents. What has this mean though? It has meant I have done more things and seem more places that I have in my last three years of my college career. Late night trips to UVillage Starbucks to study and scope out the heterosexual hotness of public university boys, grocery shopping from QFC to Safeway, from Target to UVillage, random trips to South Lake Union and Alki Beach and much more. With two quarters to go I think Chuckie (the name of my car), my friends and I will have much more adventures to come.

2. ChildHaven Volunteering



What started as a Service Learning option for my Intro. to Psych class turned to much more. After a brief haitus, I started to volunteer at ChildHaven again for my Growth and Development class for Psychology and have been there ever since and have not looked back. ChildHaven is an alternative to social services. Instead of taking away neglected and abused children from their home and placing them in foster care ChildHaven works with the parents and supervises therapy and counseling session with parents, the children and both parents and children. As well as, having the children in specialized classrooms with qualified teachers and assistants for 8 hours a day for 5 days to foster a safe environment for learning healthy habits and behaviors. As a volunteer I helped re-enforce those positive habits and behaviors, such as: using your words to communicate; learning how to share; learning that hitting is not okay and re-enforces 'gentle touches' i.e. hugs, pats on the back etc.; as well as proper techniques to eat i.e using forks, spoons and not fingers, serving oneself and cleaning after oneself.

Being at ChildHaven has been a perfect fit. I have always believed that children are our greatest resources and hope for a better future. Then why not volunteer at a place that ensures that children are loved, cared for and given a chance for a good life? In a perfect world I would love to get a job there before starting graduate school but only time will tell.

3. Deciding to stay with HRL



There's a saying: To change the system it's better to be in it and on the outside looking in.

And that is the saying that I took to heart after a much lengthy debate with myself, my coworkers and my parents on whether or not I should remain with Seattle University's Housing and Residence Life after being with them for 2 years already. The department is beyond flawless, it's not even to the point of corruption Putin-era Russia which says a lot. But if you can believe it, it has gotten better. Given that my roommate and close friend are in the same position for me and that a lesser qualified person might replace me if I quit I decided to stay. But staying doesn't mean a lot of change but it might mean little changes here and there for the betterment of the department.

4. Reapplying for PHAT



The Peer Health Action Team (PHAT) out of the Office of Wellness and Health Promotion has been a group that has changed me in many ways. Not only have I gotten more involved within my university, I have made a real impact on the students, faculty and staff of the campus, made some great friendships and have had great support within the department from the director and graduate coordinator. It was a no-brainer to reapply. This year has been beyond expectations with a greater turnout for most programs and as a second-year, I have put more impact and thus more programs and ideas have come to fruition.

5. Counseling by Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)



"Also get an outside perspective", that's what most people will tell you. That saying is never truer when it comes to when it comes yo your mental health. As part of PHAT, I decided to take a greater initiative into my health in all faucets which includes mental health. CAPS has helped my assess many aspects of my life in a new point-of-view and come to terms with things that are out of my control. It's hard at times to talk about sensitive issues but knowing there are individuals out there to help is a most amazing feeling.

6. Obama Celebration



The 2008 Presidential Elections was my first presidential election that I could partake in as a voter and there was so much riding on this election in many aspects. It was an end of an era with the Bush-era of the United States finally coming to an end. What would be the next chapter of our great nation and democracy be though? This election would decide that. It was a historic event for our nation, in which we elected an African-American man to the Presidency of the United States. Celebration abounded throughout the nation from NYC to LA, from Detroit to Seattle and around the world new it was a day of celebration in our nation. That night came to full realization has Barack Obama took the oath on January 20, 2009. A day that I cherished in that I could with full convicted tell my future children and their children and their children's children that they could be anything when they grow up including the President of the United States.

7. Rooming with Ben



Rooming with one of you closest friends can go two different ways: 1. Absolute bliss with it strengthening the bonds already created or 2. Lead to disaster of the friendship without repair. For Ben and I we are lucky that it's the former of the two. I believe that is has only strengthen the bonds that have held us together. We are more of a team and with that comes dynamics of getting to know each other better, how the other operates, how the other lives and much more. He has become one of my best friends that knows me more than I know myself at times. For that I cherish his friendship, value his opinion and will always hold a spot in my heart always.

8. Roller Coaster Relationship with CMS



No regrets when it comes to love or like and that is the true case here. After 6 months of a turbulent up and down roller coaster ride, I look back and do not regret anything. There were fun times for sure: my first rave like concert, miles of running time together and with Max, great convos, and endless flirtation. Of course there was the bad: time conflicts, the case of the ex, the case of a new boo, unrequited affections. All in all, it was a good experience for growth in many aspects of my life. It was the first time I had let someone into my life in that level, sharing my experiences with friends and having them there for me when I needed them the most, learning to realize that balance is needed and that sometimes people won't like you the way you like them but it's all okay.

Relationships come in various shapes, forms and times. They contribute to our greater outlook of our life and no matter how bad they are they leave a little bit of themselves behind in each of us and make us stronger and better for it. Cheers to CMS for the good and the bad. If I had to choose again to go on this ride or not, I would not hesitate and say yes. Bring on the ride, the loops, the screams, the feel of panic, the fear of throwing up, the exhilaration of the height and the breathlessness of the end.

9. Double Majoring in Psychology



Call it the Asian stereotype but I had always liked Biology and thought it would be a good major. I had convinced myself that being a doctor would be a good career, that I would find a way to help people around the world and a good outlet to realize my dream of starting a free clinic in the Philippines. Yet after my first year of college I realized that spending four more years after four years or undergrad and going through the drama of medical school was not for me. Yet Bio was bringing me down, I was not feeling the love and interest that I once had in high school. I took Intro. to Psychology as my Social Science I requirement but I slowly fell for the subject and after much deliberation and paperwork I was soon a Double Major in Biology and Psychology.

10. Study Abroad in Chengdu, China



I have always struggled with my sense of self when it comes to ethnic/racial/biological aspects. I always had the fear of going to China in regards to the fact that I look Chinese yet I do not affliate myself with China or its people in any aspects. So I decided to take the chance, fear my fears and my demons and go to China. Not just anywhere in China but where I would be surrounded by the the true culutre, where little English was spoken and where I could not escape.

I had choosen Chengdu, China in the Sichuan Province. Many things factored in and were takend into consideration before I chose this program through the United Studies Abroad Consortium (USAC). First off, the city was a big one but yet not too big in relation to others such as Beijing, Shanghai or Hong Kong. The region is world reknowned and is very close to Tibet. Though it is modernizing fast like any Chinese city it is very laid back and very much still traditional Chinese. The national animal of China calls Sichuan home, the Panda Bear.

My trip was one that I would never forget: great sites, new frieds and wonderful people, a culture that is find with so much diversity and history and experiences that will last me a life time.

One phrase puts it all into perspective: Wo ai Chengdu

Seven Brides Brewing Company: Oregon Beer

Just another reason why Oregon is the shit. (Okay, I might be a little impartial but whatever I have the right to be :-)

December Dreams

With December here the Christmas season is just around the corner. With that in mind comes the reflection and evaluation of the last year with hopes, desires and dreams being panned out for the coming year.

But the analysis of the last year and hopes for coming year will be in another blog to come, most likely close to the New Year.

In this time I just want to enjoy and soak in the magic that is Christmas time. With decorations galore, lights abundant and red and green attacking you at ever corner.


5th Avenue, Downtown Seattle

Love is a Battlefield

This is one of mine and my friend's favorite song. Our friend Kiara is studying abroad in Spain for the semester and so my other friend Katie and I thought it'd be fun to do the dance move when the girls stand up to the pimp in the music video and record it and send it to our friend Kiara. Thought I'd share it with the good people of Blogger :)

TO THOSE HOW SERVE AND PROTECT US!

To the Lakewood officers that were gun down ruthlessly and senselessly. For Sergeant Mark Renniger, Officer Ronald Owen, Officer Tina Griswold, Officer Greg Richards.

For Officer Tim Brenton gunned down Halloween night.

For their families and coworkers who will deeply miss their presence, hard work, dedication and love.

To the communities they serve: Never forget their sacrifice and the life they lived. Be humbled, be honored.

Mother Knows Best

Having one of my many conversations with my Mother when I was home for Thanksgiving break I stumbled onto something fascinating: Mothers know their kids to a point of scary and yet awe-strucking.

I don't really recall how the conversation started but we started talking about me being gay (a subject that has to be brought up once and a while to reinforce to my parents that I like penis but I digress), dating and relationships.

In the course of the very passionate talk (well more like me shouting and getting heated up) I said something on the lines about being undateable so she didn't have to worry about me being gay because there's no problem in something that doesn't exist. i.e. why worry that your son is gay when no man wants to touch him kind of thing.

Anyway, my Mother then precedes to talk to me about this and said something that made me realize why I love her so much and how insightful she is. She said to me, "I only worry because I know you. You love too much. You put yourself in 100%. I don't want you to get hurt." Those are quite her exact words but they're close enough. It just amazed me because it true.

If you are my friend you are my friend for life. Yes, you might be a jackass at times, might make me cry or do something crappy but with the good comes and the bad and what kind of friend would I be if I ran away everything things get rough? If you call me and need me I will be there in a hurry, as cliche as that is. This goes for my family too, no matter what the problem is I will listen and try my best to help out.

This is the same with a relationship. As a hopeless romantic as I am, I am not delusional and know that you have to work for a relationship. There are no quick fixes though we wish there were. I want someone to stand next to me, someone to share the good and the bad, someone to be my best friend, someone to care for me as I care for them.

At times it does scare me because I do put so much into relationships: family, friends, coworkers, lovers etc. I've been hurt a lot but I keep coming back for more because I believe that you get out what you put in.

So this post is to my Mother. For her care, her devotion, her insight, her presence, her understanding and most importantly her love.

Types of Drivers

When you drive on the highway there are those drivers that we just despise to have cross our paths on the road. You know how I mean:

1) Leap-Froggers: These are the folks that pass you in a hurry and then move back to the right lane to just slow down to the point that YOU have to pass then. Then 5 minutes later they whiz by you again, then the cycle begin again. This goes on for a few minutes until you've had enough and just speed until you are out of their sights.

2) Weavers: These are the impatient people of the road. They just have to get to where they are going NOW and no one and no thing will stop them including traffic. They zone from the right lane to the left. But if they are in the left lane and it's going to slow they dart back to the right to pass the car then go back to the left lane. If you aren't fast enough they will pass you even if it means cutting you off in a second.

3) Left-Lane Hoggers: These are the folks that belong in the right lane yet are in the left lane going the speed limit or just below it. Either A) they are old and have dementia and do not realize they in the left lane or B) Are the devil incarnate and just want to make your day as miserable as possible. For these drier lead to our next grouping. One could say they are a subspecies of the Left-Lane Hoggers.

4) Highway Blockers: These are the folks that I swear conspire with their friends before they hit the highway. They star off as being Left-Lane Hoggers then as you are coming up to another car that is in the right lane as you are the distinction arises. Here they don't hurry up and pass the person on the right thus making you wait until they do so you can pass then. But the thing is they DON'T pass them in 5 minutes or 10 minutes but FOREVER. When you think the left lane car is about to pass they slow back down or the right lane car speeds up and they are neck and neck again. At this time you are tempted you just pull to the left lane and just wait out the situation but by then the left lane car has garner a caravan of cars behind then due to their slowness and inability to so.

Without these people driving and traveling would be a more enjoyable ordeal and possible less accidents but alas we are only human.

SPORE

The boys at Maxis found a way to out-do themselves and surpass the spectacle and awe of The Sims and SimCity series with SPORE, which was released some 2 years ago. I was fortunate enough to get this game when it came out and I must add I was addicted to it fast. Being a single-player metaverse god was a magnificent idea and thrilling feeling.

I recent hung out with a friend who just recently purchased the game and was playing it when I came over and thus, crosses my mind again.

But as with anything given to human beings SPORE has been abused yet quite entertaining to the masses, hehe :) And with the help of our tech-savvy friends and YouTube we can share this monstrosities:

Boy Won'te Pledge Allegiance

If the youth of our country are like anything like this child, then I do not need to fear for the future.

When children 10 years can stand up for what they believe in yet grown-up men and women cannot even stand their ground, then as a society we should re-evaluate.

People of Wal-Mart

Today, I perpetuated the American stereotype and feed the monster that is Wal-Mart. I detest what they are but they're getting better. Well at least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better for shopping their. At least I'm honest....

But it wouldn't be a trip to Wal-Mart without going to peopleofwalmart.com and looking at the many "interesting" people that shop there. Hehe.

If you haven't yet you need to check it out! Now it's naptime <3!

What I Am Most Thankful For...

This Thanksgiving after a long year of ups and down I am most thankful for my family. No matter where I will be, no matter what life throws at me and no matter how much of an ass I can be my family will always be there for me. For that I am most thankful.



I am also most thankful for my FoF, the term I use for my Family of Friends. Through so many tears, laughs, smiles, cups of coffees, drinks, walks and life discussions I know that I have made some great friends. Ones that I would be a fool to let go.

Can't We Just Be Together?

This comic page reflects the 6 month saga with a boy which is still continuing but in what capacity, I do not know.

Upper Left - Symbolizes everything we talked about yet never came to fruition. Why? So many reasons that I can't even nor would like to start talking about.

Upper Right - His dog. He is Dad. The way he treats his dog just amazes me and shows me a lot about his personality. Though, he might not always show me he likes me or makes time for me, he cares for that dog 110%.

Lower Left - A portrait of one of the many places I wish we could go together. If we ever get our shit together, well his shit together.

Lower Right - Where I was when we left it up in the air this summer and where I found out his had a new boy.

Center - A cute couple, that walked hand-in-hand and playfully walking the stairs: skipping, hopping, the Wizard of Oz walk. But most striking was the way they looked at each other and how their bodies meddled as one. All I want is something like that with him. It's that easy.

New Posting Style

I realize I really such at updating my blogs. I've gone through like four different blogs all fading out and being replaced with another blog with the solemn promise that I would not let this one dye but it always seems to happen.

But there might a loophole, in that this blog was intend for more serious thought and events in my life. Even with this loophole it's still hard to maintain the blog and even at times remember it still exists.

With the boredom setting in for facebook and twitter for me, my blog happened to cross my mind.

Yet regardless of everything t is hard for me to sit down at times and just write. So I will be trying something new, a new format for my blog and let's see where it'll go.

This format will images from Comic Life thanks to Apple :) Hope it goes well

The Emotional and Mental Connection

I have never truly put too much thought into it until this very moment; but as one is emotional your physical body is drained and very tired. I just got off the phone with my family and had a very emotional talk. I was, and still am, very upset. Yet I didn't want them to control my life. I didn't want them to control my life and have a hold like they have had for most of my life. I do not want to my mental and emotional well being to be tied with them. I don't want my happiness to depend on theirs. I am sick of being beated down by them in every way possible. I cannot let me well being be in jeopardy because of them. I refuse!

I will not accept.

But out of this experience I see the strong ties that connect the mind and body. I thought I was fine but my body is tired and I do not have the energy needed to do the reading and homework that is required of me. Why? What chemical signals does the brain send to the body that states we are in distressed? And why if we are distressed the body aches, gets tires and fatigues easily? What hold does the brain have on our body that we cannot have the urge to live, eat, move and do what is necessary for survival. The body is complex but the mind is a never ending labyrinth hidden with in a maze behind an impenetrable wall. Daunting is it not? Yet that is the mind.

Alas, my will is telling me to do homework but my mind is telling me to sleep and never awaken.

Counseling and the Betterment of Myself

This last quarter has been a great break through for me. I continued my sessions with my counselor, Jay, at CAPS and I took a Psychology elective, Growth and Development. The combination of the two was a great coincidence and good for the betterment of my mental health.

Lately, I have come to the conclusion that not only must I focus on my physically health but mental as well. I have never given too much thought to my mental health before. I always thought because I was happy and not depressed that my mental health was great. But as most Americans I had the wrong information and idea about mental health and counseling. Being in PHAT this year though I have had the strength and motivation to go counseling and not be afraid of who sees me and what they say about me.

Growth and Development comes in in the form of the journal we had to write and the different topics in class. I was so amazed at the different theories that apply to one situation and started to see which ones fit with me. The journal helped me reflect on my inner thoughts. With the reflection of my inner thoughts I started to think what was/is important to myself and my life as a whole. As I started to do this I looked at past experiences and situations and how at times I compromised my ideals and values for others and for what? At times it was because of my insecurities and fears about life. Stumbling on this notion I wondered why I had this insecurities and fears and how they have hindered me from a truly unhindered life and what experiences/situations I have missed because of them.

Through counseling I have slowly tried to look at situations at a different viewpoint and get passed my insecurities and fears. Yet this deed is easier said then done. But like anything in life I am taking it one step at a time, day by day and situation by situation.

I will keep you posted on updates.

Promise Ring

I got a mood ring from the Director of the Office of Wellness and Health Promotion as they were leftovers from an event last year. I picked out one with moons on it given how much the moon plays into my mood and I thought it was very appropriate.

I happened to pick a very good mood ring in that it was one of the few that happened to change colors. Though, of course, it had nothing to do with my mood but more with the environment. Yet the ability for it to change just thrilled me.

I got this ring during my HIV scare. With that I made it into my promise ring. No not that kind of promise ring in regards to sex but a promise to myself. I would make a list of promises I would make to myself. Here are some of the things I came up with.

I promise to treat my body with respect:
In regards to sex, physical activity, healthy diet, good nutrition and listening to it in times of pain, anxiety, tiredness and distress.

I promise to myself that I deserve to be treated as a friend the way I treat my friends:
I will not be a friend of convenience, the back-up friend, the friend to go to when others friends are not around, the friend that can be taken for granted because they know I will always be there.
I will be a friend for the moment, the friend for late night talks, for midnight movies, for cooking great food, walking the city at night, for midterm studying, for traveling to new or old places. A friend for all seasons and all occasions.

I promise to something for me:
I will do things for myself not for others. I will try things I want to try. I will do things that make me happy and put a smile on my face. I will learn to blaance things in life that make me happy. I will make time for me.

I will promise to keep this promise.

Friendships

Friendship as Merriam-Webster defines it as: 1: the state of being friends; 2: the quality or state of being friendly.

After 21 years of friendships, bad ones, good ones, long ones, short ones, ones with girls, ones with guys, ones with heterosexual,s ones with homosexuals, ones with everyone of every race, different religions, socioeconomic backgrounds etc. I have come to figure out which ones are worth fighting for and which ones are not.

I am tired of people thinking that I am expendable, that I will always be here waiting for them that I don't need the attention and respect one would get for being a good friend. But to that I say, "BULL SHIT!"

I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. I deserve to be seen as a valued friend. And why not? I am always there for my friends in dire crisis. I am always there for the big events that they have worked hard to put together or had some time and energy invested in. I am always trying to find things to with my friends, things we have never done before and things we have wanted to do.

Yet I feel that real friends come along only once in a 100 encounters. I have come to value the friendships that I see as worth while. I take in the little gestures of good faith and good will. Because friends aren't those who buy your friendship, or come to visit you when their others friends are not there but the ones that see you for who you are and value and admire what you can offer them:

Loyalty, Respect, Communication, Love and Friendship

Lost ih Seattle

I thought college would be my way out. That college was in Seattle. I thought dramatic changes would happen. I thought life would be different. I thought I would be happier and excel at what I put my mind to.

Seattle showed me otherwise. I felt more lost than I have ever felt. I didn't know where I was going. I was falling behind in classes and not doing as well as I wanted to, as well as, as great as I thought I would do. I felt like I couldn't get on track. I felt friendships were fleeting and my fear of not making friends were coming true. I didn't find "Mr. Right" let alone "Mr. Dating". I was disheartened, dismayed, in disbelief and just overall sad.

Now that I am in the midst of my third year of college and my life in Seattle I realized why I felt this way. It has dawned on me that I expected too much in such little time. I was feeling this way because for the first time in my life I could totally be myself. No more hiding my sexuality, which I felt was a big part of me that I have hidden away so deeply that I forgot it was there. Now in Seattle there was nothing holding me back and therefore nothing to hold back the avalanche of emotions and thoughts that have ensued the last three years.

I have slowly made progress. I have asked for help. I am currently enrolled in CAPS, Counseling and Psychological Services, at SU. It has open many doors and venues for me. I have always wanted to go and seek their services but I just never had time nor the true will power to go. Finally this year was the turning point. Joining PHAT gave me that extra push and I just went in and made an appointment. It could have not turned out better for me. My counselor happens to be a Gay male and can relate to many aspects of my life.

It has shown me that God has a plan that I am not privy too. I am glad He has one so I certainly do not. My faith has gotten stronger in Seattle. I will give the city that much.

I have also realized the key to my endeavors here: Change is not from the environment or externally but internally from within myself.

Now the true challenging part: Building on that idea. Hmmm.....

I'm Not That Kind of Gay

"I am not that kind of gay."

A statement that I think to myself a lot and one that I have to remind myself over and over again. What does it mean you might ask? The sentence itself is very loaded with meaning, sensitivity, ideals, hopes, dreams, stereotypes, breaking ground etc.

I am not that gay that stereotypical gay. But again, that statement is loaded with an go a manner of ways. So let me break it down for you. I am not that gay male that wants to live in a Gay Ghetto, exclude myself from the majority, perpetuate the promiscuous gay and so forth.

I believe, as with any other movement, that we (the Gay Community) must interact with the majority of American Society to bring forth the rights that we deserve as human beings. How do we except others to understand us and the way we think about rights if we choose not to integrate and communicate with others who may not have the same viewpoints as ourselves.

In the recent movie "Milk" starring Sean Penn this was the key to getting a key proposition in California defeated. Harvey Milk did not lock himself up in San Francisco but went to hostile places such as Orange County and tried to share his viewpoint of the issue. Though it looked like a lost cause Orange County ended up voting against the proposition.

It is this style of thinking and leadership I think the Gay Community needs to go back to and embrace. I will not live in Capital Hill my whole life or any other Gay Ghetto but live in places not defined by sexual orientation, religion or racial boundaries but choice a place that will help foster the well being of my life and the family I hope I will have someday.

It is only when gay males and females integrate and show the majority heterosexual American mainstream that we are as diverse as them but yet share that American Dream of the pursuit of happiness that we can push for equal rights such as marriage.

But this notion does not mean we have to forget or chastise the parts our the gay community that want to live in the Gay Ghettos. For again, we are diverse as any other grouping of American Society. Instead of dividing let us unite.

I refuse to be defined by my sexual orientation though it makes up who I am it is only a small piece in the puzzle that is me.

So I conclude with this:

I'm not that kind of gay.